WAYS TO HELP SAVE ANIMALS

Looking for a way to help animals? Here's a great cheat sheet!

SCENES FROM A YARD SALE

It’s been a LONG time since I have participated in a yard sale. Very long. I had one this past weekend and now I remember why it has been so long.

Here are the type of people I saw during the day:

The Rude Early Bird:  Our sale was from 9:00 am to 1:00 pm. We had people start arriving about 7:45 am while we were setting up. Now I’m a nice person (or at least I try to be) but when I am operating on four hours of sleep and I’m forced to get up prior to 6:00 am, I get cranky. At first I tried to politely tell people that we weren’t selling until 9:00. Then I ignored them. Then I started yelling at people to go away. 

OK, so maybe early morning customer service is not my forte.

Cheap Charlie:  It’s a yard sale, I get it. People are looking for a bargain. But seriously, when I put a price on something that says $4 (that is worth more than $50) and then you try to negotiate that price, it pisses me off. I don’t budge. Go ahead leave, then drive around the block and come back and pay $4 for it. Because I still didn’t budge. And now you just wasted your gas, and your time. 

And I get my $4.

The Secret Shopper:  Apparently some people think that they are special. That perhaps I am hiding a secret stash of special items that you have to give me a secret password to have revealed to you. 

“Do you have any slippers for sale?”

“Do you have any shoes for sale?”

“Do you have any jewelry for sale?”

“Do you have anything else inside?”

Um, no. The three tables and the clothing rack in the driveway sum it up. That’s all I have. If it is still in my house that PROBABLY means I intend to keep it or you can’t afford it.

Drive-by Browser:  Some shoppers have eagle eyes and drive by slowly to observe what you have. I kept listening for gun shots certain it was gangbangers claiming my block for their territory. And, lord protect those innocent folks just crossing the streets as those people are just swerving around willy nilly trying to scope out your stuff. 

However, should I use that tactic during the next Nordstrom Anniversary Sale I may save myself a TON of money!

So, complaints aside, we actually made a nice chunk of change from the ordeal. Perhaps I will look around for more items to sell…

Hey honey, are you going to use that??

THE DAY MY MOM WENT TO THE FATHER-DAUGHTER DINNER

Once upon a time, (too) many years ago, I was an 8-year-old Brownie (that's a type of Girl Scout). I lived with my divorced mother who worked two jobs to keep a roof over our head and food on the table. This was prior to the dead-beat dad laws that are out there now to protect children. (Although to be honest I think some of those have gone overboard.) My dad paid little to no child support and spent very little time with me.

Though my mom did a great job of shielding me from his uncaring ways, I was a pretty smart kid and could see what was going on. There were times when I would be in the other room and could hear her pleading on the phone with him to come and see me.

To be honest, it wasn't all horrible, I did actually spend some time with my father. We went on annual vacations to Beach Haven, NJ and some other random outings. (It's important to mention that there were always other people along on the journey, a kind of buffer between my father and I.)

Anyhow, back to my story. Every year my Brownie troop held a Father-Daughter Dinner. It was a big deal. The girls got dressed up and showed off their dads who were generally not fixtures at Girl Scout events like the mothers were.

I had called my dad weeks in advance and asked if he would take me. He promised he would and I was really excited!

The day of the event I was all ready and waiting by the door for him to show up. I can't remember if he called us or my mom called him but the resulting message was that he wasn't coming.

I was crushed.

I was in my room crying and feeling dejected when my mom knocked. She was all dressed up and said "We're going!"

And we did.

I'm sure my mother was nervous. She was after all only about 27 and the only "divorced" mom she knew. This was the early 70's and though divorce was just starting to become more common, it was still rare in our world.

My mom and I had a great time at that dinner! Besides my troop leader and a bunch of little girls, she was the only other woman there and she had a blast.

I'll never forget that day. Sure, she did a lot of things for me while I was growing up, made a lot of sacrifices, but that was the turning point. That was the day I realized that she would be there for me no matter what.

And for that, I will always love her.

Happy Mother's Day mom!

TEN THINGS THAT PISS ME OFF!

These are ten things that should piss you off, not comprehensive and in no particular order:

1. The fatal shooting of an unarmed Trayvon Martin by neighborhood watch captain George Zimmerman. But more irritating is the lack of action by the state in investigating the incident. You should be ashamed of yourself Florida!
2. Companies who ask applicants for their Facebook passwords. Really? So… Years ago prior to FB you were driving by my house to check out my yard? I don’t think so. Stop snooping into my private life.
3. The endless attacks on women’s reproductive rights by well, everyone, but specifically the Republican Party. I have an idea, why don’t you campaign about really important issues like, oh I don’t know, low employment, high gas prices or the economy? Or all of those endless wars?!? My vagina and I hate you right now and we won’t be voting for any of you.
4. And while I’m at it, the Republican Party. To be honest I’m a Centrist/Independent and can go either way in an election but not this year. I think the Republican’s turned over every rock they could to find some CRAZY person to run for office. Seriously, they are all off-their-rocker nuts. They are attacking women, being wishy-washy on the economy, protecting the rich/attacking the poor and, did I mention? One of them drove cross country with their family DOG tied to the roof of their car. Really? Is that demonstrative of good decision making? Idiots, the lot of them…
5. The wars we are fighting in the Middle East. Yes, you can give me a dozen reasons why we should be in Iraq or Afghanistan but if I were in charge of the military I would send our troops to Mexico and Sudan. Why? Mexican drug cartels have raped/killed 47,515 people in the past six years and those numbers keep rising. (Oh, and 10% of our oil imports come from Mexico – does that help?) And in Darfur (Sudan) the genocide of African farmers is at the rate of 100 a day! Those that aren’t being killed by a government-supported militia are being displaced from their homes, suffering in poverty and dying of starvation. So, let’s lend some military support to those that are REALLY in need.
6. Pet Overpopulation and Euthanasia. Three to four million animals a year are euthanized in shelters. Many of those pets were once loved owner-relinquishments or the result of an unaltered pet who (oh my God, who knew THAT would happen) got pregnant. Spay and neuter people. Spay and neuter. Oh, and while I’m on the subject – STOP giving up your pets because SOMETHING came up! You made a commitment, stick to it.
7. And while I’m on the subject, Bully Dog Discrimination. I can’t pinpoint the exact date but sometime in the past 10 years, Pit Bulls and other “Bully” dogs and mixes have been targeted for extinction. PETA (don’t get me started on them) actually supports legislation and thinks that the best way to “protect” the breed is to get rid of all of them. Local and state jurisdictions are enacting laws that require euthanization of all Pit Bull and Pit Bull mixes to enter shelters. Since so many animals are misclassified, this effects all “Bully” breeds. Aggression tests show, Daschunds to be the most aggressive. Pit Bulls not only rank much further down the list, they make AWESOME pets.
8. The Gay Marriage (or more specifically, that lack of support for gay marriage) Battle. Simply said, Gay Marriage is NOT a political issue. I don’t want my tax dollars going to fund ANY politician who is spending time debating this issue. Why don’t you spend time fixing important POLITICAL/GOVERNMENT issues (See #3) and leave the gays alone? People should have the CHOICE to marry which ever consenting adult they wish. It is none of your business. If you do not want to marry someone of the same sex, don’t. But for the love of all that is holy, please spend your time fixing that which needs to be fixed and that does not include the gays (or my uterus.)
9. The TSA and all of their stupid rules. Need I say more?
10. Media attention paid to celebrities. There are real issues going on in the world (some mentioned above) yet the media insists on focusing on celebrities – marriages and their subsequent divorces, births, mental break-downs and arrests. I am personally embarrassed that I know so much about the Kardashians as I don’t even try! I don’t watch their show or follow their tweets yet somehow I know everything about them. That is relatively disturbing to me. I’m going to have to fashion a tin-foil hat that blacks out all information “celebrity”. Come one media – don’t tell me there isn’t any REAL news out there!

So what’s pissing you off?

MY NAME IS NOT DENISE

My husband and I purchased a house last year and subsequently had to change our home phone number with the move to a new area. With as many phone numbers that are distributed these days, it’s a wonder that we received one with an area code and exchange native to our location. With all of the strange area codes around, I’m scared that making an auto service appointment is going to cost me $1.95 per minute. 

This means that I recognize that we are probably not the first people to have owned our phone number, and perhaps won’t be the last, unless, they retire our number because we are SO awesome, a la Dale Hunter. But, that probably won’t happen.

So, I shouldn’t be surprised when we get calls for someone named Denise. 

Let me tell you about Denise (whose last name shall go without mention lest I be sued for defamation of character.) Denise is a deadbeat. Denise doesn’t pay her bills and she has a LOT of bills. Denise’s bill collectors are RUDE. Denise probably kicked puppies although I’ve been unable to prove this. 

But there are a few strange things I’ve noticed about the new culture of collections:

1. Phones are dialed electronically and when you answer them, you have to say “hello” 14 times before someone responds. Sometimes they don’t respond at all.
2. Sometimes it is an auto-message that says something to this effect: “Your account is seriously delinquent. Please call us at 1-800-blah blah blah with case number blah blah blah to take care of this issue.” This would then require me, who is NOT Denise, to call them to ask them to quit calling. Why should I have to do that?
3. Or sometimes it is an ACTUAL person that wonders why you are answering Denise’s phone while claiming NOT to know Denise. Then you politely explain that this is your NEW phone number and no longer Denise’s, and that you wish to have your number removed from her record. And I love when after explaining all of that, they ask if you know what Denise’s new number is or where she moved to.

Let me explain. We do not know Denise. Never knew Denise. Denise did not live in our house. Phone numbers do not transfer with homes. We have no way of knowing where Denise is or ever was for that matter. Or why she doesn’t pay her bills. But yet they continue to call.

Oh, and then there was the issue with caller ID with third party phone companies. Now, when I call my family my father answers the phone “Hi Denise!”

Not funny.

Although, perhaps I should ask him if he knows where Denise is?

Denise, if you are reading this I implore you! Please call these companies and update your contact info STAT!

DON’T JUST STAND THERE, DO SOMETHING!

I was at the office discussing the Penn State child abuse scandal with colleagues. Not unlike the rest of the world, everyone was horrified by what happened. But as we started to discuss the story in depth I realized that although it was a horrible story many of them admitted that they’d witnessed incidents (not as horrible, but bad) in which they had done nothing. 

When I started probing why, it was always because of fear of retribution or getting involved with something they didn’t want to get involved in. Mike McQueary, at the time 28-years old and a former football player (read: not a small guy), witnessed a child being sexually abused. Actually saw it with his own two eyes and what did he do? He walked away from the incident and called his dad. Regardless of follow-up (or lack thereof) or intended plans, HE WALKED AWAY AND DID NOT STOP THE ABUSE. Who does that?!?!

It turns out, a lot of people.

Anecdotally over the years we’ve all read about incidents in which people stood around and watched a rape taking place, or domestic violence, or hit and run crimes but didn’t do anything.

Americans are supposed to be these awesome people who stand up for their rights, but apparently we’ve all turned into a bunch of whimpering sissies when it comes to actually stopping something bad from happening.

Where did all of this fear COME from?

Mike McQueary was apparently not too scared of being injured as he played football for years and I would hazard to guess, took a few good hits over time. He’s a big guy. Jerry Sandusky was in his late 50’s at the time and although also a big man, was NAKED in the shower. He did not have a gun (Well at least not in the weaponry sense) or any other weapon for that matter. McQueary could have taken that guy out in an instant and come to the rescue of that child. What the hell was he scared of?? Getting fired?? He would have been a HERO in that child’s eyes, and his parents and the community. You think a firing would be the end of the world?? WTF???

I’m no hero. I’m a 5’7” female with a minor amount of athleticism. I’ve no gun and I’m not trained in martial arts. But I am apparently not scared. I can count down a list of times that I have jumped in to stop something bad from happening:

1) With my friend Jacqui, came to the rescue of two MEN who were being mugged by other MEN.

2) Got into a fist fight with a man who stole my friend Caroline and my handbags. He got away but was arrested shortly afterwards. He was a serial mugger with over 50 crimes under his belt. He went to prison and I was responsible for his arrest and conviction.

3) With my husband stopped two men from carjacking/mugging at knifepoint a woman at the local Target parking lot.

4) By myself in front of a nightclub, inserted myself into a domestic violence situation and helped the woman to safety. (I did not know either of them.)

Those are the ones that pop into my mind. As a child I stopped random small acts of violence between children or between children and animals.

I don’t say this to get any kind of kudos. And there are, thankfully, others like me. But I mention these things to say, if I can do it, why can’t you?

The United States was once a community of doers. That’s why we are the country we are. Brave men and women in the military. Brave citizens who weren’t scared to take a stand. But, I don’t think we are anymore. Everybody runs off to bury their head in a hole.

“I didn’t want to get involved,” they say.

“I was scared they would come after me,” they declare.

“I was always taught to mind my own business,” they state.

“What if…?” they ask.

Well my answer to that is, if you don’t do something, who will? Our country is full of a bunch of simpering sissies and that makes me sad. If Mike McQueary had just DONE SOMETHING to stop that crime, that day this would be a much different story but it isn’t.

What in the hell are you ALL so afraid of??

GOLFING AT ITS FINEST

Do you golf? Have you ever been to a course where you are constantly held up by the people in front of you? Those people that aren't dressed according to etiquette? Aren't playing according to the rules? Aren't even keeping score? Those people that actually throw the golf ball to make up for the fact that it went so badly out of bounds?

Er, well, that was us. And I apologize. Unless of course you yelled at us and then I don't apologize. Golf is a GAME you idiots! You are supposed to have FUN!

But let me start at the beginning.

It was a beautiful Monday in October and I had the day off. My husband texts to ask, "Want to play golf today?" And off we go!

I've had four golf lessons that recently occurred over a period of about 2 months. I still have yet to get in the fifth to complete the package (and actually PLAY). I've seen a golf course and I actually walked to the putting green of a hole. Mostly, I've been hitting at the range.

My husband's golf experience on the other hand includes driving a golf cart and drinking on the course. I think he swung at a few balls once.

Needless to say, we both stink.

So on this sunny day we head out to our local county 9-hole course with a set of borrowed women's clubs and a bunch of balls. We walked in a got a tee-time and a bag of tees that were near the register. (They looked familiar and I felt that at one point we would need them.)

After washing our balls (hee hee, we said "balls") extensively and figuring out where to get a map and a score card, we embarked upon our journey to the first hole.

"Where IS the first hole?" we lamented from the starting point. (I might add that point was the red line for ladies and beginners.) We couldn't see it. After consulting a map we figured out that it was around the corner and in between a sand trap and a small lake.

Now, ski resorts have the Bunny Hill for beginners. A hole between a lake and a sand trap is NOT the equivalent of a Bunny Hill. Isn't the first hole supposed to be easy?? What kind of game is this???

Not to be discouraged we smacked the hell out of our balls (hee hee, I said "balls" again) and hit every tree, sand trap and lake within view. Six balls later, we just picked them up and threw them at the hole. The people behind us were probably not amused as we were holding them up.

And so the day went on.

We learned a lot!

Such as:
1) The sand in the boxes along the way is not for bathroom shy feral cats or stubbing out your cigarettes, but rather for filling divots.

2) Apparently EACH player is supposed to have their own golf bag. (I protest this, as that would have meant that I would have had to carry a golf bag.)

3) You should bring along about 100 tees as you will break each and every one of them. However, if you look hard enough, you can use the discarded remnants left by other players. It is a very MacGyver way to golf.

4) You should not actually aim for the water OR the sand as apparently it makes it difficult to continue using the same ball for the entire game.

5) You should use golf clubs that are long enough for you. Unless of course, golfing from the prayer position serves double duty.

6) When doing poorly it is OK to throw the ball.

7) It is always funny to say "balls".

So there you have it. Next time you are at the course and see an inappropriately dressed 40-something couple playing bad golf, be sure to stop by and say "hi" and please be patient. We still suck.

Oh, and BALLS! :-)