Thursday, September 14, 2006

STUPID JOKE OF THE DAY

A teacher was doing a study testing the senses of first graders, using a
bowl of lifesavers.

The children began to say:
"Red....................cherry," "Yellow.................lemon,"
"Green.................lime," "Orange....................orange,"

Finally the teacher gave them all honey lifesavers.

After eating them, none of the children could identify the taste.
"Well," the teacher said, "I'll give you all a clue, it's what your mother may
sometimes call your father."

One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and
yelled:

"Oh My God!!!! They're assholes!"

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

THROW AWAY YOUR MAPS!

So, I was in New Mexico for the past few days on business. I had a great time. One night I went out and met a group of people that invited me and a colleague to have cocktails with them. Many drinks later I find out my drinking buddies were the movers and shakers of NM elite one of which was Raymond Sanchez - former NM Speaker of the House. Surreal night to say the least...

Anyhow, I was on my way to the El Paso airport Sunday morning for an 11:40 am flight. I was in Ruidoso, NM. Yeah - where's that?

Anyhow, I was told to take 70 all the way to El Paso. I arrived at 70 and my choices: East or West. No cities named. Well, I'm not an idiot - Texas is to the East. So...I drove East - for about 2.5 hours.

El Paso is 2 hours away. I was still driving. Through the desert, sand, shrubs - by the occasional bunny rabbit. No civilization. No signs. No cell phone service. None. Nothing. Nada. Ziltch.

By the time I made it to a tiny town called Elida (Yeah - where the hell is THAT!) - I was seven hours from my destination.

Needless to say I missed my flight.

Now, I'd like you all to join me in writing the New Mexico government to 1) ask for signs - any signs - signs to tell you where you are, where you are going and how far until you reach it; 2) ask for gas stations as I was on fumes - every now and then you actually want a gapped tooth inbred around to ask for directions; and 3) ask for Verizon to put up a cell phone tower - another opportunity for them to make money.

I was almost dead on the roadside with a vulture picking out my eyeball.

Oh, and for future reference - the maps are wrong - Texas is WEST of New Mexico.